so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
