Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
