It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize