Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
