you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
