What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
