I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
