but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
