sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I won the penis lottery.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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