I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
