He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.