I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
