Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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