Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
