So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize