this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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