if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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