you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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