I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
