I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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