Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
