Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
