It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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