His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
