Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
