listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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