At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
