jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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