i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His nipple licking is glorious
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