He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
