How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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