I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
