I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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