C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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