a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
