i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
