Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
