Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When are your genitals available?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
