You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
