I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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