Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were destined to go to rehab together
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
