I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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