so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
