I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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