There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
