Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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