but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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