i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
