who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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