Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am one with the molecules
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
