Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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