Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
