shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
