So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
