don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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