I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
