I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
