So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
