It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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