1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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