I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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