i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
