i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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