Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
