He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's intense
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
