dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dick very happy bro
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
