i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
