I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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