guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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