I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
