we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
