Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
