The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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