turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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