is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
