he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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